


Why Do You Stay?

by Arisprite



Series: Little Wishes [1]
Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Angst, M/M, Poetry, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2587400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doumeki stays. They both wonder why?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doumeki

**Author's Note:**

  * For [username_goes_here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/username_goes_here/gifts).



> This came about because of a long conversation late at night with username-goes-here about our similiar feelings about Watanuki and Doumeki’s relationship. This is me trying to put it into words.

Sometimes, you aren’t sure he knows what he’s asking for. 

He poses provocatively, all flowing silks and exposed skin. 

He blows smoke in your face, like he’s hoping for a reaction. 

He tilts his neck, crosses his legs and looks at you with hooded eyes. 

He’s channeling her. 

Still mourning her, always missing her. 

He loves her most of all. 

He thinks acting like her will bring her back. 

You’re not sure it will.   
You’re not sure it won’t. 

 

But he’s got it wrong. He is missing her playfulness. His eyes are full of quiet desperation. 

Lonely, so lonely. 

He is full of empty…. 

. . .e m p t y . . . 

…spaces. 

 

Begging you to fill them. 

He’s not yours. He’s not _yours_. 

You stay. 

_I’m back-Welcome home_. 

You eat, and annoy him, and run errands, and help with customers, and clean up after him, and clean him up when he makes a mistake, and blood drips, and he smiles, like he’s only living now, 

in this moment. 

 

And then he looks at you from his bed. Flirts and suggests and mocks your stoicism. 

You love him too much to give him that. To take that. 

You love him. So you won’t. 

because...

He doesn’t know what he’s asking for.


	2. Watanuki

Sometimes you aren’t sure what you want. You wished for this. You asked for this. You’ve taken her place, and it is exactly what you chose. You’re waiting for her, and you’ll stay in the shop until you meet her again. You do what she did, sliding into her space exactly, in order to keep her memory. You cook, clean, mend, help customers, play with the girls…

but you’re itching

_itching_ for movement. For s o m e t h i n g. 

Sleep is an escape. Literally. Except…

You can’t touch people in dreams. Sometimes, you forget that it is possible to touch another person at all. You imagine yourself 

floating 

in 

space, 

suspended 

in 

time 

and 

matter.

Nothing can reach you. Nothing can break or caress you. Nothingness surrounds you. 

But occasionally (often), he is there. 

You forget he’s real. So impassive, so unresponsive, so unnaturally still. 

It bothers you more now than it did then. 

You take her game, and run with it. You wear revealing silks, and women’s clothing. Smoke, and lounge and flutter your eyes like she did. She’s always in your thoughts, but often you want to know what he’ll do. 

He does nothing. 

And anger rises, simmering under the surface. You grow bolder, but still he’s passive, and it only makes you feel more isolated.   
He is there and warm and real, and you aren’t. And you long for what he has. Long for him. 

You ask yourself. 

 

Do you want _him_ , 

or _someone_?

Do you want _her_ , 

or _no one_? 

 

Do you even know what longing is?

 

You don’t know what you want.


End file.
